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"Oh
God, not another blog -
More words on which my brain can clog!"
Yes it's true, I'm sorry to say...
hope you enjoy it anyway!
Questions, comments?
Direct them here.
In the meantime,
try to read with good cheer...
| God's
'ways' God
does not teach us forgiveness by bringing people into our lives who
are easy to forgive. This is the epiphany I had the other day. It isn't a new epiphany; but it was a stronger, clear-cut way of seeing things. It appears to me that God does not work in the ways we humans so often like - controlled, nice, predictable. In situations where everything is controlled and contained, God's hands are tied. A world of nice, neat suburban complacency is a place where God has a hard time operating. This, I believe, is essentially what is meant by 666; man's idea of perfection - controlling the will, as opposed to God's idea of perfection - free will and intentional surrender. It's quite a difference. Laws can only control the will; Surrender fundamentally changes it. So in our lives, perhaps we should take stock of those who are the most difficult, uncontrollable and rebellious, and ask God if He isn't waiting to show us something in these situations. Perhaps He doesn't create this sort of stuff, but He certainly can show us something as a result. Love, |
| The
image of God Ancient texts tell us that God created man in his own image. Popular belief today says man created God in his image. That's all well and good, but it doesn't account for one small detail... existence. So assume for a moment, if you please, that God did indeed created man in his own image. What is this image? And where do we look for clues?? Well, the most obvious place to know about any creator... is to look at his creation! As Wayne Dyer says, "Whether we look thru the telescope or the microscope, it is impossible to tell which is the grander view." Life is in a constant state of creation; stars, black holes, planets, galaxies, cells, molecules, DNA, sub-atomic matter and energy itself; flowing, changing, connecting, creating. One would assume then, that part of the character of God is to be creative. And that we are most like God... when we create. I am happiest when I am creating. As a kid, I would get lost for hours in a room with just a pad and a sketch pencil, or completely absorbed in one of my collections, (coins, stamps, gems, comics). The loss of self is beautiful. Later, this creative desire morphed into music and writing. Playing percussion and piano duets with my father, learning the saxophone, flute, guitar... and writing. Writing. Writing, writing - anywhere, anytime, any place - on a park bench, under a tree, at home, in class; always searching for the perfect words to fit a thought, a feeling, an image. Whether it's music, lyrics, poetry, or building something in my shop, I am happiest when I find myself surrendered to the act of Creation and letting the juices flow. Through the creative process I have learned what may be the most valuable lesson of all; we are only as good as the extent to which we allow the Creator to flow through us. This is the message behind creation. In some ways it may be said that we really create nothing; we merely re-arrange the pieces God has already given us. The other great experience gleaned from the creative process is working with others. For me, this often means four or five people holding instruments, making music on the spot, or two people in a quiet room fitting words and music to each other into a seamless whole. The third joy in creating is sharing it with others. To move someone is a Divine thing, not to be taken lightly. When the effect of ones creations inspires others it is Divine. These are creative processes we all experience to one degree or another. Through them we learn what may be the most valuable lessons of life. Love, |
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Alcoholics Anonymous Recently, I have been trying to help a young alcoholic recover. I have known this young lady for about 5 years now, so it's not like she's a stranger. She keeps making her way in and out of my life as she splits her time between Atlanta and two other states where her relatives live. I am fully aware of the difficulties of the addiction-prone personality. By the same token, I believe we are ALL addicts of one kind or another, whether to something internal or external. We should all have honorary memberships to emotions anonymous or ego-holics anonymous. I also realize I am graced in that alcohol and drugs have never had a lure over me; I get everything I need from Life. I've never even smoked a joint, if you can believe it, and I don't have any pressing desire to now. At any rate, in 2003, God brought three different addicts into my life. One had a problem with cocaine, the second, (who disappeared very quickly), with heroin, and the third with alcohol and crystal meth. Oddly enough, the only one I was successful in helping was the former alcohol/ meth addict, with whom I helped engineer a family intervention. She is alive and happy. She took me to lunch recently and is living a life full of new possibilities again! Hallelujah. Still,
it's no joke, and quite a learning experience. None of the normal rules
of human interaction apply with addicts, (I learned the hard way), because
you're always dealing with a third party - an uncontrollable
demon in the mix. No matter how much you like or even love somebody
when they're sober, when they're high, they're a different person.
Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde. It's insanity. Well, this fourth addict showed back into my life just recently, and I took her to AA a couple of nights in a row. I had taken other people to AA before, and was really knocked out by it. I love AA. I know this sounds funny, but let me tell you why. I think the twelve step program is one of the most amazing spiritual quests I've ever witnessed, and I've been deep into spirituality my whole life. First off, they don't debate about God. The beautiful thing about AA is they say come to God "as you understand him." There's no debate about theology or dogma - you work that out on your own. Just come to God. Surrender. Receive. Then carry out your responsibilities. It's amazing. It's real. It's honest. It's gritty. And it works. It's absolutely amazing to see what God does with these people. These are people who couldn't be bothered to debate dogma. They had all reached a place in their lives where they either reached out to God, or they died. All of their wisdom, and it is copious, comes from the streets. Where the rubber meets the pavement. I sit in those meetings and laugh, then cry, then laugh, then cry... cause it's all so damn real, and not a trace of bullshit anywhere. I have decided that I get more from AA then going to church. I may even substitute it. You think I'm kidding. I am not. If your spirituality is sagging or you're having questions about God or your life, go to an AA meeting. Take someone who needs it. Or, go alone and sit in the back and listen to people share; people who have lived on the streets, in cardboard boxes, lost everything and returned from the dead to tell about it. Just sit in the back and take it all in. Not every AA meeting is good, but if you can find one where people are having an 'open discussion', just sit and listen. Your life might be transformed. Mine was. I tell ya - if churches were converted into AA meetings, they would actually have power. There would be an intense spiritual shift in the world overnight, and for the better! Love, |
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Condemnation and Hypocrisy Tonight's blog is about something not too Christmasy. Or, perhaps completely Christmasy, depending on your viewpoint. I am amazed at the number of judgmental people in the world. What
I mean are the number of people who will make snap judgments
about others with little or no evidence. Apparently the process of standardized,
government-funded education has done nothing to foster the process of
critical thinking in the masses, especially where
it is most useful and needed - not in the laboratory but in
human relations. People go from observation - or even
here say - to conclusion - in the blink of an eye - and never stop to
wonder if they did it right! The word 'judgment' is itself little confusing. Perhaps the word 'condemnation' is more accurate to what I am referring. To 'judge' and 'condemn' I believe can be different qualities. To judge simply means to give something a value. We judge things every day, all day. It's how we live. If we didn't, we couldn't get out of bed in the morning! We judge distance, color, order, temperature, time... Every act of the mind may be considered a judgment. To be 'judging' is good - it is how we live! The key thing to understand is that judging material things is a lot simpler than judging living things. Why? Because in living things the truth is almost always under the surface - what we cannot detect with the senses. The truth is that human beings are a complex labyrinth of layers hiding under a relatively simple-looking shell. A rock is a rock. A person is a lot more. If we weren't, there wouldn't be so many divorces and lost friendships. 'Nuff said on that one!
there are other processes closely related to judging as well.
Making an 'observation', 'assumption', 'conclusion, etc., all have related
and overlapping meanings. For me, 'judging' something simply means placing
a nonpermanent value on something - "This appears to be that."
It works real well in relation to material things. The problem is we
get in trouble when we apply the same process, without extra time and
thought, to people. A rock is a rock is a rock. A person is another
whole story, however. To 'condemn' says, "You are this way and you are always going to be this way." If you notice, the word 'condemn' is almost always used in relation to living things. I believe it is this negative, permanent value-placing that is referred to in the much oft quoted words, "Judge not, unless you want to be judged," (Jesus). I am paraphrasing from the God-awful King James Version of the Bible, of course. At any rate, an epiphany occurred to me a while back. It is impossible to be judgmental, (i.e. condemning), without being hypocritical. Because to condemn someone is to say, "They did this thing and it was bad and I would never do that!" Yes, but you would do something else just as awful. And here's the crux of the issue - seeing other's faults as worse or better than our own. This is why I like the take of Christianity on the whole shebang - it's a flat plane. We all transgress, period. No better, no worse. We all knowingly do things that hurt others. In fact, we can't even condemn ourselves without being wrong. We can't even reliably say, "Hey, I'm an asshole and I will always be an asshole!" because God does indeed work in strange and mysterious ways. You never know - tomorrow you could have an astounding spiritual epiphany that starts you down the road to non-assholedom! Hypocrisy is funny, in a way. For instance, it's funny to me how alcoholics make fun of pot smokers, or how cocaine addicts can badmouth heroin addicts, or prescription drug-poppers talk about the evils of illegal drug use. I find it freakin' hilarious. Truth is, it's all the same, folks. Crap is crap. Don't kid yourself. And there are other forms of crap that are equally crappy, like ego and narcissism and selfishness and greed and unkindness and numerous other things just as transgressing as fucking yourself up on drugs. It's all equal crap. I mean, do people just have a natural inclination to not take responsibility for themselves or what? Yeah, "Eve made me do it." Right. Great allegory. So, in what I believe to be the true holiday spirit, I encourage you to withhold your judgments - or rather, 'condemnations' - for a day. Hell, maybe even two! When you're around all your God-awful relatives and loved ones, consider that they may have just as crappy reasons for doing their crappy things as you have for doing yours! I'm not saying we should absolve responsibility for actions. But we can have more compassion and understanding of others as well as ourselves. Of course I could have just said, "Let's love our neighbors as ourselves," but nobody seems to really get the implications of this anymore. Nothing like an oft-repeated truth to obscure meaning. At any rate, Merry Christmas! Love, |
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Appreciation "There
is no evil which does not first start by taking something good for granted. These words came to me in a recent morning meditation. I was sitting outside on the front porch stoop, aromatic cup of hot tea in hand, looking at the trees, the squirrels playing, and the general beauty of it all. And I had this re-epiphany. I say 're-epiphany' because all truth, all reality, is like a diamond. When we first become aware of something, it seems magnificent to us, as if we are viewing the whole thing at once. Hence, the epiphany. But over time, we begin to see the diamond from different angles, facet by facet. We can become aware of the 'same' truth in a whole new way. The importance of thanksgiving is certainly not a new discovery to me. This re-epiphany was, however. This time, it occurred to me that sin, error, offense - whatever you want to call it - is actually a testament to the Love of God. Follow me here for a second... People are always asking, "Why do bad things happen in the world?" I think this comes from a basic misunderstanding of our own nature, the nature of Love and the nature of free will. You see, to love is a choice. A robot cannot choose to love. If we were created enslaved creatures, non-autonomous creatures, we would not have the choice to love. We would simply do what we were programmed. This is a robot, a slave, not an entity with choice, free will. To love means you have the choice NOT to love. And this is a testament to the beauty of God! Because he loves love so much, so created creatures who can love, who have this choice. The flip side is, of course... they can choose NOT to love. Hence, free will and all the mess we're in. So, back to my initial point. Sin is a very testament to the love and goodness of God! Not the sin itself, but the option to sin. And here's where thanksgiving comes in. Because all things were created by the Creator, (at least, this would be a logical assumption), the first step towards evil is to take something good for granted. The first good thing we take for granted is our very own existence; that our hearts beat in the morning, that we wake from sleep, that there is air to breathe, and so on and so on. Now, humor me here for a second. Even if you don't believe in a 'devil' per se, let's use this term for as a metaphor for all of the evil in the world. The devil's first step towards evil was to take his own creation for granted. How can a created object - in its right mind - think it can be greater than the one that created it? It's insanity. A severe lack of thanksgiving from the start. The same sort of madness we engage in ourselves quite often, no? A roundabout trail of thought, I admit, but it does come home. All things are a gift from God. We take the first step in error when we assume that they - or we - must be here. But they - and we - are a choice. A choice of creation by our Creator. We should be thankful and appreciative at all times for being put on this wonderful and crazy merry-go-round called life! Let me just add one thing. A spirit of thanksgiving is not some mamby-pamby bulls**t for wimps. It is an exquisitely powerful place to be in. Recently, I was in a small car accident where some kid in a spiffy sports car sideswiped my van. Ordinarily, I would let it completely ruin my day. But I had been practicing thanksgiving very solidly up until that point. The accident took me 'out of round' for a couple of hours, but then I stopped and realized all the magnificent things going on at this very moment, and how this one thing was just so damn small... and I put on the armor of thanksgiving again. Marvelous stuff. When you think about it, it's the only logical way to be. Try it. Love, |
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'To the People, Yes' Carl Sandburg wrote a fabulous poem that is not well-known these days. It's quite long, so I won't quote the thing in entirety, but here's a little bit of it... "A
father sees a son nearing manhood. Tell
him to be alone often and get at himself The words that really echo in my senses this evening are about solitude and silence. I look around my world and observe how people spend their time. Most of the people I know constantly busy themselves all the time by something. TV, radio, boom box, ipod, net surfing, partying, drinking, drugging, shopping, working and endlessly socializing.... Lately, I've been looking at the dating ads on the web too, because I'm at the place in my life where I really want to have a great, long-lasting relationship. And it seems sad to me. Do you have any idea the number of requirements women make on men these days? I mean, it's ridiculous. I can't speak for the other way around, but let me tell you... And the sad thing is, a lot of these requirements are superficial. Don't get me wrong - I am the first to agree a high degree of compatibility is needed in relationships, similar lifestyle interests, etc. But aside from all the do- do- doing, what about just wanting to be around someone because you like being around them? Doing nothing! Just wanting to be around someone, in silence and solitude, because you like their energy so much? Because you love the way your energies connect and intertwine, dare I say, even with the Divine? Wanting to be around someone to talk quietly, to learn from their wisdom and you, theirs? Does this even happen anymore? Do you know one couple who is a model for this kind of relationship? If so, please let me know, because I'm beginning to believe I'm an endangered species, seeking such a thing. I know it can exist, because I've had it before myself. But that was a very long, damn time ago. "He
will be lonely enough Love, |
| Art
vs. Entertainment These are really two different subjects, but they do overlap, so indulge me for a moment. One of the problems with Western society today is that we confuse art with entertainment. The other is that we confuse culture with commerce. And the confusion is intentional. It's not on our part. There are great monetary forces behind the propaganda, but I won't go into this right now. Art and entertainment are two different things. Oh, they can overlap and be mixed and blended together. Some of the greatest artists were also great entertainers - Mozart, Toscanini, Louis Armstrong, Frank Sinatra, etc. But in their pure form, art and entertainment are two different things. Art... well, art is expression. Stubbing your toe on a chair leg and yelling, "Shit!" is expression too, but it doesn't qualify as art. Why? Because art - particularly 'fine art' - intimates that the expression be fine. In other words, we are expressing life - our experience of life - in a fine, rich way. I would not make the mistake of saying that art is complex and entertainment simple. Miles Davis can play one note that will make you shudder to your core; that will have you feeling life fully. But - if human experience - human emotion and thought - could be graphed on a three-dimensional coordinate, I would say that art is expression that is either profoundly deep or wide. It covers some ground on the coordinates. It moves, in more ways than one. There is depth, there is breadth. If it doesn't do either, it resides on a more superficial level reserved for say, craft? Or perhaps we just relegate it to 'expression.' The line between them can get a little confusing sometimes. For instance, if someone cuts me off in traffic and I roll down the window and shoot him a bird and yell some horrific expletive loudly, (not that I've done this, mind you - pure conjecture), it can hardly be considered art. It is expression. Pure, primal expression... and it sure feels good right after you've done it. (Again, pure conjecture...). But if I make a MOVIE of someone in traffic being cut off and reacting like this, it can be art. It can be art if it is handled in such a way that other layers are present. As an objective observer I am treated to more information as the subjective participant. Now I see this scene and think, "Wow, look at what kind of primal rage we're capable of! Why did this guy have to cut him off? Why do we live in a society with senseless acts of unkindness? What else is really eating at this man that he felt he had to respond so vehemently...?" And so forth. By VIEWING a simple act of expression in this way, we can be brought into the fine-ness of the life around it, the layers of life happening in such a place, and be brought into art again. Doing it - not art. Viewing it contemplatively - definitely can be art. Art represents life in such a fine, deep or broad way that we are forced to change our own life to accommodate it. We are moved. We are in awe. We are challenged, motivated, inspired.... It might be said that the process of art is intricate, the expression rich, and the effect deep and moving. Entertainment, on the other hand... is on a more superficial level. We might call it 'Art Light' - "Tastes great, less filling." Perhaps entertainment simply fills time - kills time. It may cause us to cry, but not in a way that changes our thinking. It may cause us to laugh, but not in a way that teaches us something. It razzles and dazzles us, but doesn't challenge or inspire us. And if it's bad entertainment, it may hold our attention by glitzy means but numb our brain at the same time, the way ambulance lights and sirens do. We're drawn in, but anesthetized at the same time! ________ Art is like throwing a boulder in a pool. Entertainment is like throwing a pebble in the ocean. Totally different effect. The problem is, we're being bombarded by entertainment and starved of art. And we are living, breathing, walking morons for it. Pick up the Arts & Entertainment section of any newspaper in any major U.S. city. What do you see? 50% is devoted to advertisements for national movies - mostly entertainment oriented, not art. Another 25% devoted to reviews of same such movies. The rest? To articles on national celebrities. Perhaps one big article on a big local entertainer or artist. And the last 5%? To what is going on culturally in the local community, where the real art is often taking place. Appalling. Simply appalling, considering there are dozens, hundreds, perhaps even thousands of artists in said communities who should be getting looked at - who should be sat down and asked, "What are your goals with your work, what are your deepest thoughts, feelings, experiences... how can we learn something through the window of your world?" But no one gives a crap. Well, that's not really true. Like anything else, if we got it and liked it, we'd want more. Exposure is the first step. But someone doesn't give a crap! Who could that be? Oh, let's see, it's the people who sell newspapers. And magazines. And TV space. And radio. And billboards. And the people who can afford to buy such space - mostly multi-national corporations. Those who want us to confuse culture with commerce. Those who want us to buy instead of create. Those who want us to be entertained out of our minds - catatonic, instead of inspired to make positive change in our lives - by art. But that's... another whole story. Love, |
| JERRY
MAGUIRE I think I'm going to start a blog. I say "I think" because - really - who the hell wants to start a blog? I mean, aren't there enough words in the world already? There should be more silence. And then there's always the thing - I always thought blogs were created by people who thought they were so self-important the world just had to hear what bullshit rolled off their tongue. And this may very well be true. But now, I realize that blogs perform another function - a very important function. They are an attempt to connect in a very dis-connected, screwed up world. Pardon my french, but I'm going to let it all hang out. Otherwise, what's the point of doing a blog? Ya' know? Yes, the world is screwed up. Something seriously. A 'fallen world'. Yes, I can buy this mythology, hook, line and sinker. Cause if everything is right with the world and all we can trust is human behavior and technology for our salvation... well then we are truly screwed! When you think about it, connection is what makes the world go around. It's what makes sound - atoms rubbing against each other. It's what makes molecules of gas and liquid and solid move - connection. It's what binds one human heart to another - connection. And if you believe the mystics... it's the reason our Creator created us in the first place... to have connection to HIm. And why he created us... to have connection to each other. Connection is everything. And in a dis-connected world, connection is life or death. Recently, I have become an actor. It is one of the greatest experiences I have had in my life. I would not trade it for anything, although I will say that the process - at least, this particular process, was nothing short of hell. Or 'sheer hell'... one level down from hell! As such, I have been studying other actors seriously. Oh, I always loved acting. My dad used to have long conversations with me over actors and movies and dialogue. Perhaps this is why I'm being told I have a natural affinity for it. But it's different. It's different when you study something you want to do, and then study it after or while you are doing it. It brings a whole new level of understanding and insight. Anyway, without waxing too damn poetic, I have learned a lot by watching various actors lately. Especially going out on the stage and performing the very next night. Tonight, I saw Jerry MaGuire. Yeah, I had seen it before. Maybe more than once. And I have to say, I've never been a big fan of Tom Cruise. He does narcissism and ego well, but what else does he really do, besides play the great American hunk? At any rate, I'd like to kiss Cameron Crowe. There are so many things that are so right about this movie. It makes some very good statements on many levels. I cry when I see it, and I'm not ashamed to say this. The 'world' says men should not cry. Screw the world. My father was the toughest man - the meanest man - I've ever met. Yet I am proud to have been raised by him because he taught me that no human emotions are off limits; they are all valid. As a result, I feel like I'm well in touch with all parts of me, yin and yang. It makes for a very lonely existence in an American world that loves to polarize truth, but I'll take it. God bless my pops for this. So I cry at this movie. I don't mean i bawl. I just cry. Inside. Silently. I cry when I see Rene Zellweger on the porch. I feel how her heart yearns. I cry when I think about the love of a good woman. The touch of a woman. When I see Cruise touching her neck, her back. I remember this kind of touch. Those eyes. The tenderness between a man and a woman. And it moves me to tears. But here's the thing; she believes in him. It's not just some mamby-pamby 'butterflies in the stomach' self-delusional love. He spoke his mind. He spoke his soul. She listened. She listened well. And she 'got' him. She 'GOT' him, you know? She actually, truly, really believes in him. What does she say? "For the man he wants to be... for the man he almost is." Yeah. Un-friggin-believable. They don't make women like this anymore. Least, I haven't found them. Most Americanized women I've met - especially anyone with a modicum of beauty - has been trained - early on - to place a 'high value' on their beauty. To 'sell' it, as it were, to the highest bidder. My ex-girlfriends mom used to tell her, "Remember - you can fall in love with a rich man just as easily as you can fall in love with a poor man." Now, what kind of bullshit is this to tell a kid? My best friend says all women are prostitutes, only some are more honest about it than others. But here's the problem - I can't best this argument with him! I can barely count on one hand the beautiful women I know who are virtuous people! I know there are some beautiful people who understand love. Especially the sacrificial side of love. They do exist. At least, I think they do. I thought I had one. Invested the last oh, 6 years of my life in her. Thought I had a connection with another human being that was truly transcendent. Deeper than anything I'd had with any person in my life. And I've dated quite a few women. But it was not to be. I can be at least proud of myself that I didn't screw this one up. I did the best I could at every turn. I did the best I could do with the information available. I tried and tried... and then tried some more. And when I couldn't try anymore, I tried something different - I gave up. Then I tried something different again - I came back, months later, and tried some more! What the hell...??? I'm digressing. Anyway, back to the movie. So at one point he says to her, "What do you want - my damn soul?" To which she replies, "Well why the hell not..?" You see... you see... this is the key to it all. She is really representing Divine love here. The love God must feel for us. Which is the SAME desire we're all wired for. All He wants... is love. A deep love. A true love. An everything love. And it breaks his... her... heart not to have it. "I'm just not wired like this," she says. Yeah, but who really IS? I mean, we're all fuc**ed up because we didn't get the love we want, and still don't get it. The love we need. The love we're "wired for." And just recognizing this simple fact means you put your finger on the pulse of life; the very reason for existence. Love. I empathize with him, too. He's numb. He's caught up in his own drama. She represents the childhood I had - free, loving, easy. He represents my late 20's and early 30's - ego-centric, career-driving, determined, ambitious. Yet he's wired just like her. He's wired for love. Only the damn fool doesn't know it. So I cry when I see it. I cry for the connection Rod Tidwell has with his wife. Freakin' awesome. Now listen, this may be deeper than one 'should' go in in a public blog. But guess what? After having so many personal tragedies unfold in my life over the last 7 years... and it's been 7 damn long years... I don't care anymore. What I mean to say is this - I have finally learned what is important in life. And it's what I knew with all my heart as a kid anyway! And it comes down to one word - LOVE. Everything else must take a back seat; career, what other folks think of us, money, stature, material objects, whatever. Get in the back seat, baby! Because life is just too damn precious a gift. Let's face it - it IS a GIFT. YOU didn't put yourself here. YOU didn't create your own atoms. YOU don't keep your heart beating, or your lungs working or the sun shining or gravity holding you back from flying into outer space. It's all a gift. Wake up and realize it. Then go to bed and wake up tomorrow and realize it again. And keep doing this every day of your life. And then you'll GET it. Get it? Life is too much of a GIFT to WASTE prioritizing all this other bullshit. Sure, it exists. Sure, it has its place. But guess what? It's at the back of the line. Get to the BACK OF THE LINE! Love is #1. God is #1. Everyone and everything else is secondary. If I quit music tomorrow, doesn't matter. If I quit acting tomorrow, doesn't matter. If I don't 'earn' the 'respect' of my peers, (whatever arbitrary ratings and head-game bullshit determines this), doesn't matter. If I never find a great woman to love or have a nice family or career or money or material objects... doesn't matter. If I'm out on the street tomorrow... doesn't matter. If today is my last day on this planet, doesn't matter. Because all that really matters is... do you have Love? Do you live with Love every day? Do you feel it? Does it motivate you? Does it fill your heart with thanksgiving? Because if it doesn't, I think you should kindly step back and look at what you're really working for in life. This is all I have to say for one evening. Goodnight. Love, |